Saturday, July 7

UK Condom King Enlists Down Under Lovers to Test New Shaft Sheaths

British managers of the Durex condom factory in Bangkok, Thailand, not only have outsourced production of its new "revolutionary" CSD500 Viagra-aided condom, but in an affront to American international sexual prowess, has outsourced "couple testing" to sunbaked Aussies.

Perhaps you didn't hear about the deleterious effect the 9-11-2001 terrorist attacks on America's sexual appetite.

But at least one TV cable news network thought the topic worthy of discussion by a panel of terrorist "experts" a year after the attacks on New York and Washington, D.C.

Citing a November 2002 international poll of 50,000 respondents in 22 countries, CNN reported the U.S. had dropped from its pre-9/11 perch of first to 11th among nationals having sex most frequently.

You don't believe me? Here's an excerpt from CNN's 26 November 2002 transcript of "Talkback Live" hosted by Arthel Neville. Joining him for this illuminating discussion on 9/11--that's right; the topic was 9/11 terrorism--was trial lawyer Jeffrey Jacobovitz and radio talk hosts/personalities Peter Noel, Debra Schlussel and author Paul McGuire, host of "The Paul McGuire Show" on KBRT Radio in Los Angeles.

While the panel opened on Saudi Arabia's link to 9/11 terrorism, the topic of sex arose near the end of the segment, demonstrating the expert discussants' appetite for delving in yet another topic on which they seemingly knew next to little or nothing.


NOEL: Arthel, they have not surveyed the West Indians. You know that Europeans flock to Jamaica and (UNINTELLIGIBLE) and Barbados? They have not surveyed the West Indians.

NEVILLE: Debbie.

SCHLUSSEL: Only a condom company would judge or country, the greatest on earth, by this doubtful standard.


MCGUIRE: The French are lying, everybody knows married Americans have the best sex. [The international poll found the French ranked #1 for most frequent sex in 2002--editor.]

NEVILLE: All right. And Pat (ph).

PAT: Well, I think we've had a difficult year. So who cares?

I won't speak for you, but I found the derivative comments representative of American TV's level of intelligence in analyzing post-9/11 terrorism.

But, Pat, as the 6 July AP article below indicates, Durex does cares, regardless the impact on American libido. Perhaps the panel's cavalier attitude toward America's flaccid post-9/11 sexual performance in some way contributed to Durex's decision to forgo testing its new product in the US.

(And we know the historical legacy of loathing the prim Brits harbor for those free-loving French, oui?)

So, 200 Aussies, issued free condoms to stake out new claims along those thousands of miles of barren coastline will test drive Durex's condom during the coldest part of the Australian year.

Go figure.

Company Advertises For Condom Testers

(AP) A major condom brand said Friday it expected thousands of applicants for a new unpaid job on offer _ condom tester.

Durex said 200 adult Australians _ men and women _ are wanted to test a range of its condoms.

While the successful applicants will not be paid, each will receive a pack of Durex sex products, a chance to win 1,000 Australian dollars ($857 U.S.), plus professional prestige, the company said in a statement.

"Who wouldn't want to have a chance with an actual authorized professional?" Durex marketing manager Sam White asked.

"Durex is expecting thousands of applicants," the statement said.

Hopefuls must explain in their applications why they would make "expert" condom testers.

How they test the condoms is not specified, but testers must provide honest feedback about how they find the products.

No deadline is set for evaluating a range of four condoms and other sex products.


"Other sex products?" Oh, my. As my current House of Bush dictator has been heard to quip, "Bring' em on."

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